Christ Loving The Church

“Husbands, love your wives, as Christ loved the church and gave himself up for her, that he might sanctify her, having cleansed her by the washing of water with the word, so that he might present the church to himself in splendor, without spot or wrinkle or any such thing, that she might be holy and without blemish. In the same way, husbands should love their wives as their own bodies. He who loves his wife loves himself. For no one ever hated his own flesh, but nourishes and cherishes it, just as Christ does the church because we are members of his body. ‘Therefore a man shall leave his father and mother and hold fast to his wife, and the two shall become one flesh.’ This mystery is profound, and I am saying that it refers to Christ and the church.”

The great injunction laid upon husbands by Paul is to love their wives. Much focus has been exerted on the earlier verses of Ephesians 5 where Paul states that wives must submit to their husbands (vv. 22 – 24). The whole passage is dominated by mutual submission in verse 21, “submitting to one another out for reverence for Christ”. This passage is charged with spiritual electricity (if I can even use such a term). Wives accuse husbands of demanding submission from them. Husbands accuse wives of not being submissive to them. Wives accuse husbands of not loving them. Husbands proclaim their innocence and say that they love their wives.

Now each of these may be true in and of themselves in particular marriages. None of them should be so. The real test will ultimately be measured by Christ’s standard with the Church (his Bride). Does a husband measure up to Christ’s standard of loving his wife as Christ loved the Church? It is not the husband who can measure this. His wife can. And what husband would claim that he does actually love his wife the way Christ loves the Church? He might be able to say, that as far as he is aware and knows he is pursuing this glorious ideal. In such a circumstance, a wife would be able to confirm this.

Does a wife submit to her husband as the Church submits to Christ? Here the situation gets a little tricky. Perhaps the vast majority of us husbands would say that we are the ones to say whether or not our wives are submissive or not. It is true that submission to Jesus would not be measured by the Church, but by Christ as the Head of the Church. Only Christ can state whether the Church is truly submitting. It is interesting that Paul states that the Church does submit to Christ (vs. 24), and because she does, a wife must submit to her husband in everything.

However, I am not convinced that husbands are the best judges of whether or not their wives are submissive or not. Now it is absolutely possible that some wives might not be submissive to their husbands. No one would doubt such a possible occurrence. It is also possible therefore in certain situations that a husband might be right in saying that his wife was not submissive. But lack of submission by a wife might also be the means of correcting a husband. We must never knowingly commit sin in order to achieve biblical obedience. Submission can be done in such a way that correction and truth win the day.

In virtually every case I have known where a wife desires to be a Christ-honoring wife, and where there are problems in a marriage, that problem rests largely on the shoulders of the husband, and not the wife. And usually, the husband complains that his wife is not submissive.

It must be categorically stated that submission does not produce love. Jesus does not love the Church because the Church submits to him. He loves the Church. The love Jesus has for the Bride is not dependent on the submission of the Bride. In view of this, I don’t think a husband can demand submission. It is not the issue. Demanding submission already indicates a problem somewhere. Submission is willing given because of love (in the example of Christ and the Church). If a husband will love as Christ loves then there will be submission.

But I am not concerned with the submission aspect of these verses. It is the loving aspect I am concerned with. Do I as a husband love my wife the way Christ loved the Church? That is the question. It is not a question of whether my wife submits to me or not. It is whether I love her as Paul says I must. Now many husbands begin to back up and say at this point, “well, no one can love as Christ loved.” But surely this is to seek to escape the demands laid upon husbands. It must be possible to love in such a way that my wife perceives that my loving her is an example of Jesus loving the Church. It must be possible because Paul commands it (vs. 25).

The headship of Jesus means that Jesus loves his own Body (see vs. 23 with vs. 28, 29). This is why Paul says we should love our wives as our own bodies (vs. 28). What do we do with our bodies? We cherish them and nourish them. In other words, we love them. It is our flesh – we love it. No one ever hated his own flesh (vs. 29). This is why Jesus loves the Church. It is his Body. He cannot hate it. He loves it, and cherishes it and nourishes it. It is quite amazing how the Apostle Paul works backward (if I can say that), from an earthly example in order to display the glory of Christ and his love for his Bride.

So the real question is, what is this love then? The love of Christ for his Bride is manifested first of all, in his sacrifice for her. He gave himself up for her (vs. 25). So the first major idea is sacrifice. The second idea is sanctification (vs. 26, “…that he might sanctify her…”). The love of Jesus does something to the Church. Sanctification speaks of separation to holiness. This sanctification takes place through cleansing by the washing of water with the word (vs. 26). This washing might be a reference to baptism, but it probably should be taken to mean a setting apart by the Word which cleanses. The result of this is the third idea. The Bride will be presented in splendor, without spot or wrinkle or any such thing. What does this mean? She will be holy and without blemish (vs. 27). Paul says that our Lord “present(s) the Church to himself,” (vs. 27). The Church is meant for and belongs to Christ.

In application this means that a husband and wife are for each other. It is the husband who strives to hold the standard of marriage high. Through the sacrifice of himself he lifts up his wife. This sacrifice is not the soppy sentimentalism of American culture so prominent today in evangelical circles. Loving your wife is the demonstration of leadership (read headship). It is rugged, accepts setbacks continually, strives forward, and is bold and daring. Sentimentalism will get you nowhere in the tough times of life. There is nothing sentimental about Jesus loving his Church. His love is forged in eternity and explodes at Calvary in shame and degradation. Adam lost his claim as an example to us. Jesus recovered it.

The union of husband and wife which is one flesh (vs. 31) is unity. This unity expresses itself in mutual benefit (vs. 33). Husbands love their wives and wives respect their husbands. It is important for husbands to always remember that the Church could do nothing to earn love from Jesus. To demand submission is to miss this point. Rather, submission flows from a sacrificial love, and the result is union and unity.

Husbands are to lead their wives spiritually. They must pray with their wives. They must read and study their Bibles for their own spiritual growth. They must exhibit Jesus to their children. This kind of life will demonstrate itself in the Church. Men will exercise their spiritual responsibilities, not only at home but also in the congregation. But if you try to be a spiritual man exercising leadership in public, but are not one in private, you can forget about fulfilling Ephesians 5 in your marriage. It will be your wife who knows the truth about you, and though she may never reveal this side of you, she knows it and you know it. The lack of spiritual involvement and service by men in a Church is a sure sign that they have not really understood this high calling. What kind of husband are you? We must seek to love as Christ loved.