…Children…

“But we were gentle among you, like a nursing mother taking care of her own children. So, being affectionately desirous of you, we were ready to share with you not only the gospel of God but also our own selves, because you had become very dear to us. For you remember, brothers, our labor and toil: we worked night and day, that we might not be a burden to any of you, while we proclaimed to you the gospel of God. You are witnesses, and God also, how holy and righteous and blameless was our conduct toward you believers. For you know how, like a father with his children, we exhorted each one of you and encouraged you and charged you to walk in a manner worthy of God, who calls you into his own kingdom and glory.”

There are two phrases in these verses that point out Paul’s behavior toward the Thessalonians. He says in verse 7 that he was like a nursing mother with her children, and in verse 11 like a father with his children. These are references to the activities of nurturing, caring, training, and disciplining. These are all fundamental principles of being a parent. The Bible teaches us that children are a gift from the Lord (Ps. 127:3). Such a gift is not to be despised but received and rejoiced in. We all recognize the many cases of abuse done to children. Children live in terror in families and homes. Child abuse is described as any act that endangers a child’s physical or emotional health and development. Children are maltreated through neglect, physical harm, sexual abuse, and emotional trauma. This violent behavior is not perpetrated by parents only, but other family members are involved (also babysitters and friends). In fact, the abuser of a child is usually known to the child. There are no social, ethnic, racial, or economic barriers to this abuse. It crosses all divides and exists in all countries. There are a number of factors that mitigate against this kind of abuse. Two of these are crucial and absolutely necessary. There is a stable home or family structure in place and there are nurturing skills by parents. Having this in place does not mean there might not be abuse. You could walk into a store and be held up. These factors mean that in your home, with you as a parent, such abuse is highly unlikely to happen under your care.

This is why Paul mentions these very facts to the Thessalonians. The motherly skills are described as being gentle, a nursing mother, caregiving, affectionate, willing to share (or sacrifice as motherhood demands). The fatherly skills are described as exhorting, encouraging, charging (or mentoring). It is possible for a mother to neglect these things. In Isaiah 49:15, God asks the question: “Can a woman forget her nursing child, that she should have no compassion on the son of her womb? Even these may forget, yet I will not forget you.” Total neglect by a nursing mother linked with all the other skills and characteristics would result in the death of the child. Any neglect of a growing child would hinder their development and be the cause of other socially deficient factors. As Christians, we are mindful of the fact that sin is in the picture. Disciplining a child is the biblical means of driving sin out. Proverbs 22:15 tells us that “Folly is bound up in the heart of a child, but the rod of discipline drives it far from him.” Parents are not to ask their children to consider appropriate behavior. Scripture takes it for granted that they don’t know. Do not expect your child to know. She must be commanded. He must be told. The obedience of children is not about giving a child options to consider and asking her to make the right choice. Your child does not know what is best for her. That prerogative belongs to parents. Obedience is to be demanded. God has invested authority into their parents. They must use it and use it wisely.

Our society does not believe this at all (and I have the suspicion that the Church doesn’t believe it either). Mothers and fathers are run ragged because they keep asking and pleading with their children to do that which they naturally will not do. A pliable child possesses the heart of a sinner and can deceive you so easily. Such a child soon learns that acquiescing at the right moment secures what he wants, and not what you as the parent demand. God’s commands are not optional. They are to be obeyed because in obeying the development of righteousness lies. Strong-willed children must be instructed with loving discipline. We undo any discipline if we do not allow time for repentance. A child will not suffer harm repenting of her sinful behavior. Children are the masters of crocodile tears. This is why parents give in and give their children what they want to satisfy their needs. This is why parents lose credibility and authority with their children because they are training up their child in a way that will not be abandoned later on. Nobody likes to hear these things, but frankly, they have been around for centuries (ever since Adam fell, to be precise). Solomon said this: “The rod and reproof give wisdom, but a child left to himself brings shame to his mother” (Prov. 29:15). If you remove the memory of pain too quickly through comfort, you undo the time for repentance. This is the hardest thing for any parent to do.

It is interesting to note the characteristics Paul assigns to a mother and father in this passage. The tender love and affection of a nursing mother should be apparent for all to see. Fathers are to lead. I am well aware and firmly believe that the vast amount of discipline is done by mothers because they are with their children all the time. This is right and normal. Fathers are to provide ongoing reinforcement and explanation of what takes place in the nurturing process. When Paul tells the Thessalonians that he behaved as a gentle, caring, and nursing mother to them, he knew that was not enough. They also needed the fatherly direction and instruction so that when the nurturing is done right, it will be received far more easily. Being a parent of children is not easy. Imagine being a father or mother in the faith to others (as Paul was). The responsibility would seem overwhelming.

This nurturing and training by mother and father must be designed to teach Christ to the child. There is no better evangelistic opportunity for Christian parents than their own children. Children remember affection and love. They also remember instruction and guidance. Parents should not be afraid to dish out all of these. Proverbs 23:13, 14 teaches us that discipline saves a soul from Sheol. Solomon expresses the reward of this in the very next verse when he said: “My son, if your heart is wise, my heart too will be glad” (Prov. 23:15). We rejoice at lessons well learned. We are thrilled at the achievements of our children. What parent wouldn’t be? Yet the facts indicate that there are parents who just do not care. Mothers fail to be mothers and fathers fail to be fathers. God has provided all that is needed for motherhood and fatherhood to be what it should be. We must not be afraid to be these kinds of examples to our children (and grandchildren).

We do not learn these skills from magazines or books. Every principle that a parent needs is in God’s Word. God has never said that we shall find parenting easy. Think of how you behave before God and what He puts up with. We must desire to make our parenting profitable and glorifying to God. Paul reminds the Thessalonians that his labors among them were “night and day.” This is what parenting is. It is an investment of time. To young parents, I say, accept the fact that God has given you time to fulfill what he has entrusted to you. You will have tough days, but you will also have thrilling days. It is for a season, but the results of hard work pay off in the end. A nursing mother must nurse her child–even at times when you are utterly worn out, you do it. Fathers must never cease to instruct. We must always be on the lookout for better ways to communicate the truth to our children, backed up with the rod of instruction. We are their fathers–that’s what we do, and God will help us if we ask him.